What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
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in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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