I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
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We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
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You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
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