So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
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my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
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Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
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