Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize