Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
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He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
You have to summon your inner elephant
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
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The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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