fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
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Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
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Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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