it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I would ride that face into the sunset
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
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