im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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