Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
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"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
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We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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