the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
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TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
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some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
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