I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
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The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
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It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
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