"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
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