omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
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