Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
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She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
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The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
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