i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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