you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
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