My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
I feel like abortions should bother me more
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
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Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
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There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
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