What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize