Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
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