If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize