Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize