Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize