the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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