I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
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