Just mADE A PArabola og urine
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
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