Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
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I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
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