hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
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Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
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I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
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