I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
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I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
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hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
This is classic penis vs brain.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
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