but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
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