She's JV to your varsity
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
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