my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
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