i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
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my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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