when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
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Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
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