Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize