Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
We smell like vodka and hangover
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