My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
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her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
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Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
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