I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
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