He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
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I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
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I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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