shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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