Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Randomize