Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
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I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
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It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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