you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
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at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
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