Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
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I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
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I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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