I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Floor bacon is actually really good
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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