Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
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slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
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