it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
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