you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
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