mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize