you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
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Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
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Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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