So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
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I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
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I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Good news!! I can adult!! π turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ππ
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